Level Up

I remember the day I told Stephen I could see myself wanting to be by his side for eternity. It was a warm evening in the middle of October, we had been dating for just under two months. We were snuggling on a couch in his basement watching "Serenity" on his laptop; He had his arm around me, my head on his shoulder, our legs propped up on a chair with a pillow on it for comfort. The movie was far from romantic, we were not kissing or gazing into each other's eyes, I just had this peaceful feeling and I remember thinking "I wouldn't mind having this forever." 

I wanted to tell Stephen what was on my mind, but I couldn't get the words out; For some shocking reason, I was nervous to tell him that I was starting to think I could love him forever. We had said "I love you" a few weeks before, so I knew there was somewhat of a mutual feeling, but saying "I think I could love you forever" was a big jump in just a few weeks. My heart wanted to leap out of my throat. I had to tell him, I just didn't know how.

After nearly an hour of internal battle, I took the cowards way out and pulled out my phone. I text him. He was sitting right next to me and I text him the words "I could see us doing this for a long time. Like forever."
Not the most romantic words or way of saying it, but it was sent. I couldn't go back.

I studied Stephen's face as he read the text. He went from amused that I had text him instead of speaking to a "deer in the headlights" look.

He cleared his throat. I braced myself for an awkward rejection followed by him asking me to leave him alone. I expected him to tell me it was over. 

"I love you, Emma." He said.
"I love you too. I'm sorry, that was totally lame of me! I shouldn't have texted it, maybe I should have just kept it to myself. I'm so-"

Stephen interrupted my outpour of apologies with a kiss.

"I love you." He said again "I just don't know if it is forever yet. Is that ok?"

I smiled at him and said, "That is perfectly ok."

We finished the movie, kissed goodnight, and I went home. 

I took comfort in the fact that even though I had been completely childish about the whole situation, Stephen acted very mature. I didn't feel humiliated like I thought I would and I was not going home in tears. We had eventually handled everything like adults and all was well. Or so I thought. 

The next time I saw Stephen was almost a week after I dropped the "M-card." 

I drove the 30 minutes to his house, expecting everything to be fine. Little did I know he had talked to his friends who had the opinion that "a girl who drops the 'M-card' within two months of dating is way too attached and borderline creepy." They suggested to Stephen that he take a break from me and date around some more.

Lucky for me, Stephen was not interested in dating other people and took into account that all of his friends were single and had been for a while. 

We had the same conversation that we had the week before, only this time, it was awkward.

I left humiliated and angry that his friends would give that kind of advice. I wasn't in a relationship with them. They don't know the whole situation. Why should they tell Stephen to kick me to the curb? Then I realized that they were in the mentality of marriage being "Game Over."

Obviously, everything eventually worked out for me and Stephen. Our mentality about marriage was mutual; We both wanted to be married. 

The night before our wedding, I stopped by our apartment to get a few things. Stephen was there with two of his friends. The friends were glum and went silent the moment I entered the room. I grabbed what I needed and left. Later I asked Stephen what they had been talking about that made them so quiet when I came in.

"They were comparing weddings to funerals." Stephen answered. "They kept saying 'We're never going to see you again.' Basically they see tomorrow as the day they lose their best friend."

I have never felt my blood boil faster than in that moment. 

I have never seen marriage as "Game Over." Perhaps it is because I am a female and ever since I was little I dreamed about my wedding day. I don't imagine little boys do the same, but I had never heard of anyone going so far as to compare a wedding to a funeral. 

Marriage is not about what you lose, it is about what you gain. Natasha Craig wrote a phenomenal blog post: "What I Gave Up The Day I Got Married." http://www.confessionsofateenagebride.com/2014/02/10-things-i-lost-by-getting-married.html#.U9_zXPldXi0
I completely agree with that post.

Speaking for myself, the day I got married was not "Game Over." June 19, 2014 was the day I "Leveled Up."